I have a Wedding pinterest. Like a lot of girls my age I have a catalogue of all the things that I want in a wedding, although I certainly have not met the person I’m going to marry (at least I hope I haven’t). It doesn’t make sense at all for me to actively plan out a wedding when I’m super single and super young, but I still do it without fail.
I don’t plan concretely for any aspect of my future. I know I should a lot more than I do but I don’t really. I’m worried that what I imagine won’t match with what I actually get in life, in love, in work, but still I keep pinning things onto my Wedding board. I don’t know what I’m doing after college, but I do know that I want my wedding colors to be shades of blue, cream and gold and all the bridesmaids to have different style dresses of the same color. It’s absolutely insane to plan these things when I don’t even know if I’m going to be married ever but it’s a tether to a future with love that I love, that I long for.
The future is this unknowable abyss, but for some reason I still always believe that I’m going to find someone that loves me and stays with me forever. I know that I should be more cynical and that I should look at the divorce rate but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I LOVE love. I am a rom-com junkie. I think that the first person I marry I will be with for the rest of my life. I can’t bring myself to change that.
When I think of my future I know that in order to be happy I want to be happy&stable in my career, be married and have kids. The career is up in the air but I basically have to find someone to marry and procreate with. I know these are my keys to happiness. Everything else can be up in the air but if I have my family in order then everything else will be just fine. (And I know that love doesn’t make everything fall into place and doesn’t fix you but what the fuck ever I’ve never been in love before and I read a lot of fanfiction growing up, sue me!)
The future is fucking scary but knowing I could experience unconditional, romantic love from someone someday is a nice thought when I come home after a night out, drained from being nice to boys I don’t care about so they buy me drinks and convincing myself that end of the night pizza was a good idea. I’m still working hard as fuck towards my goals no matter what but it’s nice to think I’ll have a reward waiting for me along the way.
go check out my wedding pinterest lol: https://www.pinterest.com/busolaann/wedding/