the future, weddings & love

Life Chat

I have a Wedding pinterest. Like a lot of girls my age I have a catalogue of all the things that I want in a wedding, although I certainly have not met the person I’m going to marry (at least I hope I haven’t). It doesn’t make sense at all for me to actively plan out a wedding when I’m super single and super young, but I still do it without fail.

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the cool girl

Life Chat

“Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.”

I remember coming to this section while I was reading Gone Girl and just relating so hard to Amy. Yeah she was kind of crazy and punished her husband for cheating by destroying his life and making him look like a murderer, but she had simply become disillusioned after she made herself into the “perfect woman” and her husband still didn’t want her. And isn’t that the kicker? Even when she was perfect and hot and sweet and unchallenging, he still cheated. Being the Cool Girl doesn’t exempt anyone from being hurt because any guy who chooses the Cool Girl isn’t gonna stick around for her when things get difficult and she’s not so cool and chill anymore.

This idea of the Cool Girl is so ubiquitous. Every guy wants the girl who looks like a model but talks like a bro and is feminine but loves all the disgusting shit he does like light beer. She doesn’t complain because she’s just so fucking chill about everything. But when people are so ~chill~ all the time you know what happens? They snap. Because no one wants to be a fairytale built in the heads of a self-centered dudebro that can’t even spend a second of his time with someone that doesn’t enjoy everything he does and when this Cool Girl, who doesn’t even mind that you spend 6 out of 7 days mentally masturbating with your friends about Call of Duty or whatever instead of hanging out with her, gets fed up she’ll try to kill you. And I will stand up and applaud her.

I’ve always felt this unconscious desire to be a Cool Girl. I would look at characters like Robin from How I Met Your Mother or Donna from That 70’s show and think these are some fucking cool girls. They liked drinking what the boys drank and hanging out and always looked beautiful but of course they never tried to look good it just happened. They loved sports and burped but looked hot while doing it. Anytime one of these girls got emotional every male on the screen would freeze up unsure what to do when the Cool Girl showed she wasn’t as chill as they thought. She was a real person!! With… EMOTIONS!!

At the end of the day being the Cool Girl just seems exhausting. I am not chill; I am a lot. I am extra and loud and sometimes annoying and I have a lot of opinions about everything. I’m funny and smart but I don’t have an easy personality by any means. I get angry at the drop of the hat. Being the Cool Girl would mean giving up everything that makes me me to become an empty shell for some boy to fill in with his unrealistic fantasies. Any guy who thinks they have a real bonafide Cool Girl has either already been murdered because she couldn’t keep up the facade or is on his way there, because being the Cool Girl doesn’t just mean being hot and chill it also means being endlessly forgiving and pleasing. It means never speaking your mind for fear that a man thinks you’re acting crazy or blowing something out of proportion. It’s diluting your personality until all that’s left is sweet and palatable, no sharp tangs of disapproval. It’s being a woman that a man wants you to be.

Basically, RIP the Cool Girl and if there are still some out there I’m praying for them.

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half birthday

Life Chat

When I turned 20 I wrote a list of the 19 things I learned in my 19th year in life. I didn’t really share it with anyone I just wrote it and saved it away. Now I am officially 20.5 years and 7 days old (my half birthday was a week ago). Everything I wrote is still true and there are some hard lessons that I learned that year but I can’t help but feel that I didn’t really learn anything at all.

I gave myself the best tips in the world; I know myself so deeply, something that I truly pride myself on, but I have not followed most of them. I haven’t taken the time to do the little things like write down everything because I still have the worst memory in the world or be more mindful. I know that if I did my life would be exponentially better! And it’s easy to say tomorrow or next week I’ll fix this, I’ll work on this but now at 20.5 years old I’m so happy I looked at this list today. It’s nice to know I have these checkpoints in my life when I feel lost and this feels as timely as ever.

I highly recommend lists like these for everyone for any birthday. I’m excited to see how I change over the years and I hope I look back on this 19 year old list 10 years from now and think everything on my list is common sense, things I’ve already internalized so much they are a part of my knowledge.

Anyways the aforementioned list in all its glory:

19 Things I Learned at 19

  1. Some people aren’t going to be in your life for as long as you think they will be and that’s okay – life works like that sometime
  2. Just start doing things. That’s the hardest part for you, just fucking start something.
  3. Anxiety is now a part of your life in a way that it never has been before. You’re dealing with it, you’re okay.
  4. Plus, you got through the worst 5 months of your life so you’re strong (?) I guess
  5. Black women are so important and beautiful and the world will never appreciate us fully. Love yourself in the meantime and your flawless, smooth, melanin-rich skin
  6. Positivity is really important do not forget that
  7. Write everything down!!! It works!! You forget everything just do it!!!
  8. Surrounding yourself with good people will absolutely change your life/cherish them with your whole heart
  9. Who you’re around affects you a lot so if you’re sad hang out with people and get happy, it literally works every time for you (because you’re an easily manipulated piece of shit)
  10. It’s good to be a good person but roasting people brings you joy, don’t forget that
  11. Don’t hookup with boys that aren’t nice to you all the time, which is literally common sense but apparently you can’t fucking understand this
  12. Your body doesn’t handle drinking very well – you know this, stop drinking so much
  13. Kissing boys is fun. Kiss all the boys you want while you can.
  14. You like REDACTED. A lot. That is okay, do not feel guilty about this.
  15. Money isn’t the most important thing in the world but dude it makes shit easier so stop spending all your money
  16. Being extra is in your goddamn DNA. it’s not even extra it’s just loving yourself as much as you want when you want ok
  17. You won’t regret your tattoo ever. You are happy, you will always be happy, this is your reminder (get the moon next!!)
  18. Family is so so so important but you really don’t have to like them. Don’t push them away, just accept them for who they are
  19. You look really good. You feel really good. That is all that is important.